Review of Chapter One of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

 

There are books that speak to your inner self, correct your negative idiosyncrasies, spur the hidden greatness within you, and prepare you for the life of your dreams. For me, it was a turning point when I picked up "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie from a bookstore and read through it. Prior to that, I had held leadership positions and led teams, but reading this book made me realise how much I had to learn. I pitied those I had led earlier and wished I could go back and apologise to each and every one of them. Can I erase the negative influence from them? I doubt it. But I can go on, with the excitement of a kid who has seen a bright light, to make the people I lead and meet afterwards become the best of themselves.

In the chapter one, ‘IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY, DON’T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE,’ Carnegie talks about the human tendency to criticise once something is done wrong, and at the flip side, the human tendency to defend ourselves and see the best in ourselves, even when others think otherwise about our actions. Thus, when these two conflicting human tendencies come up, there’s bound to be a kicking over the beehive, which Carnegie spoke against.

 John Wanamaker, founder of The Stores That Bear His Name, once confessed: "I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."’

Once we accept that we all are different, experience life differently, see situations differently, it helps us to agree better with people, regardless of our thoughts, because according to Abraham Lincoln, “don't criticise them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” If we were in their shoes, we might do the same thing they did, afterall, people don't criticise themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.

The change we demand from others can and should start from us. "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof," said Confucius, "when your own doorstep is unclean."

So, dear imperfect and growing human, you have to work on yourself too; maybe if we all work on ourselves with the same energy we aim at correcting others, we will have a better life for ourselves personally and also for others. 

Lastly, we are all humans, driven by emotions more than logic. Therefore, when dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity, and one of the hallmarks of distinguished leaders is to master catering for the emotions of others. 

“Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be under-standing and forgiving.”

This less than 300 page book is packed with wisdom and insights that can benefit anyone, regardless of their leadership experience. It's a must-read for anyone looking to improve their relationships and become a better person, because beyond good leadership, you need good and healthy relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances in life. 

© ‘Kore Akarakiri