Dangerous

  Today is march, and all the tasks I have been given to do remain letters on the wooden board, my name has found a bleak position in the last spot of the "deneary hunters" goal board, which is to say, I have failed, I am a failure.

  Everyday I wake, I stroll to the board room and cry over it, mother says when you cry over things and your tears drops on them, they come alive. I don't want the board to turn to come alive or freak me out, I just want to be good enough, not even first or second, but not last.

   I have my final exams in three days, the weakest of the hunters drops out of the academy. If I remain the last, I will strap my bag over my shoulder, go home with a sullen countenance, I will have whips marks on my back, where this should have been scars of victory, I would have endured pain for nothing.

    The soles of my feet are sore, I have walked on fire, tiny ropes, the scar below my eyes is one I got from facing the strongest hunter in the academy, she didn't need to fight much, she tore my face with the tip of her knife , I am not just scared, I am the weakest and stupidest. 

  I sit in the dark, tending to my broken rib, I broke it during training today, the task was to climb to the top of a large tree without a rope or support, they teach us to go into jungles without prior preparation. They say I will always die if I ever went into the jungle myself.  

 In short, I fell on my first attempt, on a rock with various sharp edges, I heard my rib break with a loud snap. I have to keep this a secret, if the others find out, they would mock me again and I'd visit the infirmary.

   I have had enough mocking for a life time. Each time I see the others, anger burns inside me.

I want to kill them, every single one of them, I just don't know how, if I ever get smart or good enough I will break Tina's arm when we duel, and poison Jay's oxygen tank when he goes to the infirmary, he's asthmatic, but his  endurance is beyond perfect, If Jay could stay under water for 20 minutes and I can't, there has to be something wrong with me.

"You're never useless, you need to stop being afraid." I remember mother's voice. I miss her, I wish I could crawl back into her anus and switch back to the tiny little life that knew nothing about earth, I wish I was smarter, maybe just a little bit stronger.

******

"Trix! You're up against Anna." Coach Simon says. I hesitate where I stand, my feet can barely carry me, it feels like life is evaporating out of me, my wound has gotten worse I feel blood seeping out from me. 

"Did you hear me?" Coach bellowed.

"Yes, coach."

I want to cry, if there was ever a time I've been afraid, this is greater than those times. Anna is shorter than me, just as bad as me,I could beat her in duels, but not this time. She joined on the pitch happily, my eyes are seeing two images and I can feel sweat swimming down my forehead, my breath is hot, my legs feel like Jelly. I am about to die.

The whizzle blows. 

I try moving these legs, but I feel an intense pain on my stomach, which travels to my head, I can no longer see. They should know there must be something wrong with me.

  A huge blow runs though my face, blood tastes like metal in my mouth, I try to stand still, 'cause mother always says never to give up. 

Series of pain dashed through my stomach where my wound hurts like hell, and that does it. My back hits the floor, mother is hovering over me, pulling me up, whispering "Trix, get up."

"I can't" I whisper, all I see is blackness.

*****

I have being here, in this white colored walls, it is meant for crazy people. I'm not crazy, I'm just stupid, I wish I could be strong for a moment, maybe just a day or two, I promise to kill all my enemies, I will make their lives flash before their eyes a thousand times before they see death, I would carve Anna's teeth out of her dirty mouth, shove It down her throat  and make her swallow them. As for Tobi, God knows I could pour him hot water in his sleep. 

  That's it, I have the thoughts but not the balls. 

****

I am back in the training room, today is our final exams, I stare at Trix on the board and I hate myself, Anna and I are the worst people on the team, she's on 9 I'm on 10, we switched positions most terms, but lately it seems my dullness has gotten worse, I've been stuck at 10th since two terms ago. I don't know how to displace her, today's task is the one I have always failed during trainings, the thought of passing on exam day with pressure and this pain and my low self esteem, pigs would have to fly!

"The final task is called, 'Blind face off'. Now, I don't need to repeat the rules.There are Nine animals in that arena, meaning, you go home if you return without an animal…"

The coach eyed me, I know what they want, they want to get rid of me once and for all, I'm dead weight. Tears are stuck in my throat, I feel the pressure to cry.

  But Mother always says, don't let the devil know your weakness. But these devils already know I'm a failure, how do I ever prove them wrong?

"Trix, get up." Mother's words came as a memory, well I'm up, duh.

"As you know, each hunter for himself, no tools, no weapons, just you, your enemies and your preys. May the best hunter win!"

*****

I stand in the Arena staring around, my chest is beating rapidly, I hope my enemies don't sense my fear. People die during exams, people die during tests, if you die, your death would be a pleasing offering, especially mine. 

  I shall not die, not today.

Anna eyed me, I try to keep my gaze away from her, even as I swipe the drops of tears strolling down my eyes, oh I pray to God that I beat her, just today.

I hear the gunshot and we all dash into the jungle. You cannot kill an animal without a weapon, except you're something else, first thing to do is make yourself one.  I must run far away from the others, they would try to put me down, leaving the nine others to win, but today I must kill a deer. I run as fast as I can, I thought someone was following me, I look behind constantly but found no one.

  I am now alone, the only way to make our weapons is with tree strands. I find some spines, I have spent five years in the hunters academy and cannot seem to remember the name, we use the spine tree all the time, today is for practical, not theory.  I pick up a very long one and search around for a stick, I would tie the spine to the top of the stick, making it look like a javelin rod, then I can hunt my deer.  I hear footsteps dawning on the leaves, must it be the deer?

 I turn around suddenly, quite alarmed to see a human being behind me. She is wielding a knife. Last I recalled, we weren't given any weapon, how did she get one? Tina looks so dangerous, she bares her teeth and grips the short knife firm in her hands and eyes me like I'm a savory prey.

I don't suppose I look like a deer, or do I?

I stand and move back, carrying my weapon with me, I wouldn't use it on her, it would kill her with the feeblest drive into her flesh. But if Tina is serious as she looks, one of us would have to die, I really want to see mother again, so it shan't be me.

"Where did you get a knife?" I ask, I don't care. She sneaked it in and the authorities must know, no metal can pass through the metal sensor unless the siren is overlooked. They want me dead, they couldn't kick me out for no reason, so they want to kill me in the Arena. Of course they had to send Tina, 'cause she's on top and I can never beat her.

"You're going back home." She mutters dangerously.

"Not if I kill a deer." I fasten my rod, she was busy chasing me, so she didn't have time to make one, she didn't need one actually.  She hurl the knife at me, due to my fear it landed on my shoulder, I scream but withdraw it immediately, I see blood flowing out. She comes at me with her fist but missed me, I wobble on my feet away, I'm not strong enough for a fight, all I want is to kill a deer.

  The rod feels so big in my hand I don't fight with rods, my weapon is a bow and arrow not a spear. I thrust the rod at her like I'm trying to scare a bear away, she moves back, how she got behind me I don't know, she hit me from behind and I fall forward, blood sprutting from my mouth. I feel my wound bleeding again, there is a constant painful pulse at that spot. My head begins to ache again, I turn on my back, Tina is on top of me, I crawl away from her. 

Mother didn't teach me to beg for mercy, but I will, I don't want to die.

"Please, stay away from me." I cry loudly, lifting my rod in weak defence, she grabs it and snapped it against her thigh. I will die soon, I know.

Just tell Mama I tired to beat them, all of them, even the weakest, but turns out I am the weakest. 

Tina sits on me and grabs me by the collar, douse my face with punches, I can tell my face is now grotesque, the pain no longer means a thing, but the thought of not seeing Mama again made me hurt.

I seek to hold something for comfort, my hands grab onto the soil, my fingers scrambling around, they touch one of the spines I had dismembered from its branch, I take a firm grip.

God, I shan't miss this chance.

"To hell with you."

I pierce the sharp thick spine into her chest unexpectedly. Her gaze froze, I read fear, surprise, but mostly fear.

God, I am the happiest.

 I guess she looks more horrible than me now. She seeks to hold onto life, 'cause the one she has is sipping out of her. I push her off me.   I sit upon Tina, remembering all she had done, she was always in my nightmares.  I pick another spine and pierce her heart with it, over and over, the number of times she had hurt me. Her blood over my face, I taste it, it feels good. 

  The blood of my enemies.

I stand, knowing they would be watching me. I lick my bloody fingers and draw out tribal marks on my face with Tina's blood. And so I shall, for every single one of my enemies.

  For now, I have a deer to kill and everyone who gets In my way, I might not be the strongest or the bravest, but my fears have woken me up… I am dangerous.

© Abibat Mulero