THE RULES OF TAKING A PERFECT GEN Z PICTURE (PART 1)

The skill of taking perfect pictures for the social media space is greatly undermined. Taking a picture is one problem, another is choosing which to upload on  the social media space. 

For a generation that is given to the phrase, ‘seeing is believing’, one doesn’t just take a picture. You’re not allowed to handle your photo session with such carelessness. The world is a treacherous place. There are sworn enemies who find happiness in humiliating simplicity; taking your act of carelessness as an act of mediocrity, displaying it with captions that are meant to create comedic relief, as if creating sadness is their pill to happiness. You can’t simply take a picture! 

You can testify to this with Uncle Fredrick, whom when he joined Facebook had taken Mark’s advice to upload a picture. He being a simple man didn’t follow through the rules I'm about to tell you. Few weeks from then you saw his picture with over a hundred ‘ha-ha’, as an example of ‘what not to look like when you’re forty’. Poor man! Never learnt the rules!

To begin with, you must consider the setting. It is advisable to take a picture in an environment that is presentable. Mind you, presentable is an ambiguous word. It is water, taking the shapes of the context you want people to think of you. A studio setting speaks ambitious, regal, and intentionality even if in truth, what goes down is submitting to the notion that you hardly smile hence, you enlist the help of another to command you to. 

To make people know you are having a great time, a photo in a restaurant or exotic location would suffice; strategically placed foreign food should be placed in the photo if you want people to think ‘wealthy’ alongside fun. These days, food are more admired over the camera than where it is needed - in the stomach. You certainly cannot afford to go to a place of recreation and not take a picture. You don’t want to be an outcast! When next will you get such settings again? Especially when you’re not an aristocrat.

If you want to appear as a force of intelligence, prop a book of vivid color somewhere on a table, no one will know you never opened a page. Setting, my friend, is of utmost importance. You must, before clicking, look for the best area to promote your ‘all is well’ mantra.  

Do you know what else would support your ‘all is well’ mantra? Your dressing! Good dressing days are photo days! Put this in mind: don’t you ever wear a good outfit and stray from the camera. This is a life hack. 

You must have a pose! It is of essentiality! The female gender defeats the male to this, especially on portrait. If God had created those species in the angles they twitch their body, it would be a scary world. There is a pose for everything, you’re advised to find one that gives you characteristic pleasure (and won’t attract those sadists) and settle for it. It is a wonderful invention; ladies not blessed with large buttocks find a suitable pose that will make people think otherwise. The male on those three-quarter trousers are always on some ninja mood, straight out of a comic book. Poses are defining moments! 

 You must choose the right angle. This goes in many ways and, since I'm generous, I will explain. 

If you are asked to take a portrait picture, the distance the camera is from the object matters. If you do your job well as a concerned friend you will help the wish of your ‘brief’ friend to appear taller than needed. They, most times don’t take full portrait picture, so, this part might not come in handy frequently. You don’t have to zoom closely into the face of your subject, hence you appear insensitive to the many insecurities paraded on the face of your friend in the form of blackheads and pimples. 

It is your job, as the one with the camera to find the perfect angle to highlight their ‘best features’ else, you risk having to delete your twenty four tryouts for one to stay. In order for that not to happen, you squat, box yourself in weird angles like a baboon with a needle pricked into his butt, your mind racing over the thirty different Instagram pictures that you have seen with fifty thousand likes, all too confused to know which pose to settle for and replicate. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a professional photographer, your hard work and time is in jeopardy. 

On the other hand, if you’re taking a selfie, angles are of utmost importance. Too dark and it goes to the recycle bin, too bright and it goes to the recycle bin. Thank heavens we have such things as editing app! The wrong angle can ruin you. You definitely don’t want to look like Uncle Fredrick whose forehead took over three-quarter of his photo.

Lastly, you have to smile! No one cares if you are depressed, it doesn’t matter. Generation Z is a world that smiles even in the face of suffering. Smile! Never forget to smile. It is important. 

Now, my friend, if all else fails, use a good camera. Why take a picture with a phone that is cheap? You should be ashamed of it. How can a ‘bad’ camera quanlify your cherished moment? Hold on till you get, preferably, an iPhone. There is a reason why God started off with an apple. 

In addition, don’t ever post your picture without passing it through an editing app. Editing makes you more beautiful. Filters clean up your mess and glams you up. Editing is choosing not to be imperfect. 

I must warn you, even if you follow through these rules, it doesn’t gurantee you'll be safe from the demons chasing you. 

These factors  are wonderful, no doubt. But. Why do we allow these factors decide when we want to store a moment? Why are we so intent on concealing emotions, creating a illusion than storing a memory? Why do we allow it decide how and when we're happy? However messy, I want to be remembered to be brave enough to say “Hey World! This is me.  Don’t accept me_I dare you to!”

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