Relationship Among the family

It's been a moment where we all have been able to settle and pay attention to our priorities, especially in our relationships. Today, we will be interacting with a father, a lecturer by profession and a pastor - Pastor Isaac Nenuwa, on Relationship Among the family - Parents to children and vice versa.

Arkorewrites: Sir, what can you say about family relationship? For example, how parents relate to their kids and vice versa in this present time and age. 

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: Family relationship is vast and there are many challenges attached to it. Firstly, parents needs to be informed about what's happening around them. This is important because of the digital age of a thing. Some parents do not find time to understand the  current generations. How they think, how they behave, their mindset, their focus... This age is obsessed with social media and you know the number of hours you spend on social media where you have access to information your parents do not have. And because of this, we have an age of information overload.  The kind of information you access per day will affect your mind frame, your thinking and what you do. Parents should not insist on raising up their kids the way they were brought up.  It may not work and they might end up hurting the kids. Parents have to learn and unlearn a lot of things in other to connect with the current generation. 

Arkorewrites: Considering this aspect of information being a very wide gap between this generation and the former, how do you think the parents can fix  these challenges and step up with their speed to match that of this current generation?

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: Parenting in this post modern century is highly challenging. What do I mean? You guys are looking at one side. We parents too are going through our challenges because we must raise money. The standard of living is increasing day by day. This in itself takes a lot of parents out than it was in previous generations. 

Based on that, parents must understand that parenting now is different from what it used to be. There are things we must put in place even as we are running around to get money, we must also find time to connect with the children. 

Arkorewrites: How can this area be improved? Balancing between having to take care of basic needs and relationship with the extended family and all with the immediate or nuclear family.

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: Basically, there is need for communication and awareness.  That means we have to set our priorities right because you also expect a lot from your parents. So, when it comes to that stage, you must understand that this is the level your parents are. You should be able to adjust your  expectations. If we were to meet your expectations, we must be out. It may not be finance now, your timing, discussion and understanding may suffer. So, we have to understand and balance it. Accept whatever your parents can provide with love because no condition lasts forever.

The entire family must know the state of the family. No need to hide anything from the kids. The parents should be bold enough to say "children, we want to buy this for you, but we don't have the capacity now." If they are not open, it will affect certain areas of life. Know what works for family because what applies to my family may not apply to yours. We may not be able to solve all the problems this way, but we will definitely come to an understanding. 

Arkorewrites: Obviously we can't solve all the problems because the children have a different perspective to life...

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: Yes, they do.  Sometimes, I have to choose between taking my daughter out and providing basic needs. If I choose one, the other will suffer so, I have to create a balance.

The best thing we can give to our children is God, education and good values that can sustain them wherever they find themselves. When the time comes, they will go out. We parents will be left alone. So, we have to train them for the future and good training cannot be done by proxy. That's where the area of timing comes in. 

Arkorewrites: What advice can you give to the kids having issues with their parents (understanding their parents)?

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: I would strongly advise the younger ones not to pattern their lives according to celebrities on social media. It's affecting them. Majority of things you see on the screen are not real. I use to tell my own kids that many of the home video actors do not have good homes. But, they act perfectly in movies. Social media is a crowd with no direction. 

Real life is what you see around, the lessons you learn from your immediate and extended family members. They must be contented with whatever they have. Also, they should not compare their parents with others. Every home is unique. 

Arkorewrites: How about youths planning to have a family in the future. How can they balance their relationship with their children and meeting their needs? 

Pst Isaac Nenuwa: They shouldn't rush into it because it is a lifetime contract. They must know the meaning of marriage. It is beyond kissing and having sex. They should know what they expect and where they are going. They must make decisions that will make their relationship work. It is very unfortunate that our youths don't ask vital questions about marriage and how they are going to run their home before they dive into it. These creates a lot of problems for young couples as most of them later discover they don't have the same plans or principles. 

The foundation of the home matters a lot. The couple must get certain things right from the start otherwise, it will distort the kids' thoughts about home and marriage because they are the example of home the children can project. The parents must know the difference between meeting their needs and spending quality time with them. Kids like attention. They want to be heard. So, the parents have to balance this aspect. The children too must be ready to learn. They should not have unrealistic expectations of their parents.

For a marriage to work, the couple must share the same values. Good character cannot be overemphasized. Godliness cannot be left out because it is a contract between a man, woman and God.

Arkorewrites: Thank you Sir.