YOU'RE NOT ADDICTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA, YOU'RE JUST LONELY AND EMPTY

I keep questioning why I keep coming back to social media as a place of retreat and rest. Sometimes I go hours on social media, consuming contents with no aim; I get back with a headache, blurry eyes and then kick-start myself into work-which most times it is a struggle then.

 This week crowned it all for me; I had this project that I had procrastinated on, and I had to sleep over at the hostel to complete it. I didn’t sleep at all, and despite my superwoman antics, it ran into the next day, leaving me drained, lacking human connection and blurry vision (up till now). 

Does the above scenario sound familiar to you? 

Recently I was watching Fight Club and America Beauty. These two movies are known for their complexities and how well they represent the lives of daily Americans-empty, with a desire to fill their life with something-anything. Take the social media space for instance and my theory of it being a form of consumerism. We are lonely and struggling, and we come online to fill in this needs (aside from educating, business etc).  The algorithm of social media is programmed to take advantage of our loneliness, our desires, what we lack, and so it provides us all that on a platter of gold. 

You’re on IG, and you keep wondering why do you keep scrolling down? Simple-you’re just looking for something to fill in your void, make you excited, laugh and the algorithm is taking advantage of that. 

Consumerism: ‘The idea that increasing the consumption of goods and services (in our case, content) purchased in the market is always a desirable goal, and that a person’s well being and happiness depends fundamentally on obtaining customer goods and material possession’.

Looking at this definition, we have two problems: Social media is in itself a form of consumerism and also leads to extreme consumerism, if care is not taken. 

Is there a need to blame social media? Would you blame a Sharwarma vendor that makes your taste bud thrill with joy, enticing you with the aim of making his money? 

This isn’t another one of those articles that spikes theories about how social media can control people, and how to avoid that. No. You don’t need me to do that for you. Social media was never the problem. It is the emptiness within ourselves that we try to run from, the need for meaningful conversations that will make us feel loved, the desire to be something other than ordinary, and the sense that we don’t want to be left out, the need to have something to laugh about and go into oblivion. That’s the problem. So we devour content because we feel they give us the solution to these things. 

New flash: the solution is temporal. 

Before I realized I was simply a victim of myself, I looked through my Whatsapps and IG feed and realized the cycle I was running: I was watching people’s life happen who in their own sense were still trying to figure things out, and some of these people I had no idea who they were personally. It’s different when I am intent on gaining new lessons from them-I have a goal there. Whereas I don’t, I was simply putting myself in a corner, consuming contents because I had to (because it fill the needs temporarily) and unconsciously I was creating for myself a standard defined by these people.  

Look at it this way; we’re all trying to escape the ‘meaningless’ life stats, and so we watch people who will feel have gotten past it. Watching celebrities eat, drive in news cars, make money, strain themselves through discipline, having 3 hours sleep-making the most of their lives. So you think. And so we turn up their page, scrolling down, just keeping up with them, but hardly making connections with people around us. We think their life has meaning, because of what they have. But is it really? If that was so, Marilyn Monroe wouldn’t have committed suicide. I mean think of it, if you were in close proximity with most of the people’s content you consume, would you like them? Strip away the glam, lush, would you feel safe with them? And to the people who you feel safe with, or could feel safe with, around you-are you making efforts to be with them? 

 Talking about that project I spent 28 hours working over, during the break I had this visit from a friend. I remember walking through school with this person, and laughing, blushing, smiling genuinely, listening to music, and not the faintest desire to be anywhere else. I realize I want that-happiness. Happiness and joy is like a breath of fresh air. You realize you don’t want to be anywhere else, you just want to be right there. It fills your lungs and allows you glide your arms and think of candles and beautiful flowers but more importantly it fills you. It doesn’t come from memes or beautiful pictures from iPhones, and exotic colors or even credit alerts where the next minute you think of purchasing more stuff, because they make you happy, add value (or so you think). It comes from having an hour conversation with a friend after a long day, falling in love, having faith in a God that can fix things, practicing your hobbies, pursuing a goal, making people smile. 

You’re not addicted, you’re just empty and you are constantly looking for something to fill your gulf.

For me, it is my faith, but I recently realized apart from Jesus, I needed more ‘people’ experience, I needed time to rest and binge watch movie, put my back to the ground and make a garden, needed time to write, craft more stories, have a smile to my face as I eat with my family, etc. Slowly, I realize I am content, and I don’t need much of anything to fill me. I’m not running away then, I just want to exist within the space of time. 

I hope you find that for yourself too.  

You can connect with the author @IG using this link.