SEE FINISH!: CONFESSION OF A CHRISTIAN GIRL WHO HAS LURKED IN THE WATER OF LUST

Men are good people, honestly they are. Forget the blame game; the game of sexuality is a happenstance, but not a show of men’s treacherous ways. Unfortunately we live in a world where having sex is a definition of ‘fun’ but to be fair, if it is consensual, your ‘fun’ is verified and the world can kindly strip the male of the horns and ‘used me’ label. 

So, men are good people. 

This is the knowledge you take with you when you go to a guy’s house and don’t listen to your mother’s talk that says otherwise. You don’t instantaneously think ‘we are going to have sex’, and even if you do, you tuck it under a pillow. Truth is, for a girl, there is this little time clock that tells you, ‘you’re going to have sex’ when you walk into some guy’s room.

"Some guy" in this context might be your neighbor, a guy you have a crush on, some guy in school, street, been asking you out, etc. In some weird case, it could be your friend, but that’s a bigger headache to deal with for this article. 

If you have, before the time you walked into the house, consumed  a lot of sexual contents overtime, (innocently of course, why would you want to maintain purity and watch porn?!) from movies that think nudes should be given generously, memes from Twitter or Whatsapp about sex, around friends etc, your mind mentally prepare you for this ‘action’. I mean why else would you choose clean underwear? 

Then there is this little battle that goes on in your head, ‘oh, he wouldn’t touch me’, ‘not all men are lust prone’, ‘why would he want to have sex with me’, ‘we aren’t sexually attractive’, ‘no, we’re just friends’, ‘no, I will resist’, etc. 

Maybe you’re right, or not. 

 You’re a bit curious about the circumstances, so you leave your home thinking ‘nah, no way I’m going to have sex’’. 

If you have carefully filtered your entertainment through every platform, you don’t think of this ‘action’. You’re a blessed soul, or it could be you just don’t think of this person that way.  

You walked into the room, and well, you’re confronted with two scenarios. 

Scene 1: There is a chair, and a bed.

Congrats! You have the chair to yourself! 

If you have a clean modest young man to yourself you have no problem, (you should give him the honor he deserves, that if you have not already friend zoned him). Both of you are aware that the goal is to reduce body contact, or at least be disciplined enough to not let it go too far. 

Is it me, or do virgins instantaneously think body contacts equate to sexual desires, like some electric contact of body wires?

 

Definitely not so, men should be given credit, they’re not dogs. However, I would like to call sex a ‘planned coincidence’, it isn’t a one day correspondence to a visit (and if you have meet people like that, you can laugh at yourself and make better decisions), it is a pre-planned motion that our mind plays on us. It is a plethora of emotion, piquing one’s curiosity, waiting for the right moment, documenting over and over again in subtle ways the other person’s appearance and giving yourself subtle reasons to explore that body because ‘why not’.

So maybe not the first day, not the second day you went charging your phone, not the third day you guys did Netflix and chill,  definitely not the fourth day, but today is the day. 

So we can quickly jump to Scene 2

Scene 2: You are on the bed (or a big sofa for the rich kids). 

Maybe I am jumping too fast; let me establish the tempo, before you sat on the bed. 

You’re comfortable and laughing about something, or learning something new about the person. Anything! So when he asked you to come to the bed to view a picture, watch a series or some random excuse that took you to the bed, you’re like ‘well, nothing harmless’. And you’re right! I mean if staying on a bed with a guy for a time needs contraceptive, incest would be a way bigger epidemic than what we know. 

So Scene 2: You’re on the bed. Well, no need for the angst, you probably not feeling it either way because you’re way too occupied with something. 

Then the situationship starts with the touch.  The subtle touch, mind you. 

There is this ardent belief in a guy’s head (especially one who is sexually active) that a girl always want to have sex, but need the right motive. And maybe they are right, I mean who says because you choosing not to have sex equate to you not wanting to have sex, it could mean the right method isn’t used, or it just isn’t the time, but thing is, there is this knowledge: ‘she just need a little convincing’.

Fun fact: They’re right most of the times, I mean we don’t want to seem too easy, cheap. It isn’t too often you experience romantic scenarios where the both partners are horny after one look in their eye, well except you’re drunk. 

But there is you- the girl who hasn’t and doesn’t want to have sex and the poor guy who feel touch is the best way to set the mood.  

You like the cuddling, the hugs. When you’re in that cuddle, you think ‘why can’t I choose this part and we can let go of the sex’. You want the intimacy, but it doesn’t have to be coupled with sex or anything that will make you feel guilty. 

And if you have a crush on him-oh dear!

So when his hand is down your hips, and your replies goes ‘stop’ or whatever vocabulary your mind muster up within the movie you’re watching, the feelings the touch is mustering (cause you aren’t a log) and your mind racing, your words are a bit jumbled up and you forget to be straight forward and firm. You even forget that you could use the door; I mean he isn’t a rapist.

But for some of us, you try to reason. You’re too kind. You feel pity for him. And if we are to be honest, the touches feel good, so when the ‘why’ questions pop up, you give a reason. Unfortunately guys are pretty intelligent creatures; they have this innate trick to match arguments with facts. 

So you’re like, ‘I don’t know you much’, and the reply, ‘so, maybe next time’.

It’s hilarious, the entire drama to decide which part works for a certain person but be rest assured ‘I can’t’ is not an explanation, well except you have on your hand a real reasonable man (cause honestly not most men find satisfaction in haggling sex). 

For some situation, there is a second round of touches, with this little sane excuse for why you have to indulge, this safe consequence that you can fall back to, but it’s all a try out to check for your soft spot to engage in sex. 

For some of us, we walk out the door and for the other, it’s a bit of consensual ‘fun’, something to not prick your conscious too much, a bit ‘romance’ or whatever it is called (which still dent your conscience) but so everyone can go their separate way.

So wallai! You’re still a virgin, just not a 100% virgin. 

Phuu!

All this drama, and maybe more if one doesn't learn her lesson. 

What is the moral lesson of this piece?

There is none really but here are a few tips and maybe clear up few misconceptions:

Your choices are valid. To be sexually active is a choice, and so is choosing not to have sex. It seems like you’re in the minority, doesn’t mean your choice isn’t valid. So stand on it, be firm on it, be proud of it, and don’t feel pity for yourself. 

No one actually has the right to make you feel ‘ready’ up for sex. Yes, saying No most times isn’t always easy, walking away is harder, especially for this person that means a lot to you, but your choices should be respected, and not pushed. 

Sex isn't vile, it's actually a beautiful thing. That's the truth, chosing not to have sex doesn't take away the longing to experience something that beautiful. 

Whatever gender, male or female, be rest assured they can be accountable for their actions. They have the capacity to refrain. Remember this when you want to stand your ground. 

If you’re a virgin doesn’t translate to not having sexual desire, don’t feel guilty at yourself. 

You don’t have to give a reason why you made a choice. Ok. Maybe you can, if you want to be kind, it isn’t an obligation. 

 Give up on the whole Hollywood sex-love life stuff, real life is way boring than that. 

And seriously! Men are good people. Not most of them are dogs or rapist. 

And finally, friendships are appreciated for one's personalities and presence. For all the men and women who are out there who appreciate the other for their uniqueness, we say thank you. 

Do you have any more tips you want to add, the comment section is free?